Yes, I am ranting this early int he morning.  No, I don't care.



( RANT )

...I cant believe it...

I'm eligible for the study abroad scholarship....for the spring semester!!!!



Do I dare apply?

....all I needed was a ride to and from Manchester to look at a car...payment for gas was going to be giving...and nothing....

Boy I have some awesome friends....oh wait!

BTW: was in an accident again...thus why I need a car...

I'm happy.
That's all there is to it.
^.^

...*sigh*...
What an eventful year so far....

RIP Aunt Chonnie. 
I'll always miss you as well.




Death leaves a Heartache
No one can Heal.
Love leaves a Memory
No one can Steal.

When it rains, it pours...


let me find a tree and grab the umbrella.

I'm not stupid, so I wish people would stop trying to hide things.  It normally doesn't work.  I'm just getting tired of the stupid little things being hidden from me.  It's not I'm not going to find it out eventually.  People have ears, people have eyes, and they have a voice.  I have all three and can do the same thing.  It's getting a little annoying and irritating me.  I'll enjoy life again when it stops.

so of course with everything ekse going on in my life, I've tured to Disney and Harry Potter...not sure if that was a good idea or not. Granted it;'s mostly the Disney mom's who aren't there, but I feel like I can relate to Cinderella even more now with my dad gone.

Granted, I can also do something I wouldn't dream of doing if my dad was alive.  Like finally getting my tattoo.  I have no worries of my mom kicking me out because she's scared of me leaving home.  Lt me re-cap that.  My mom is scared of me leaving home.  I came home the other night to hear her crying and asking me if I planned on moving.  I told her it all depended on what happens this summer and she started criyng more.  Then she turned to me and said "I don't want you leaving, I can't stand to lose another family member..."

Really?  What do I say to that...

Other than that, I'm trying to get myt life back on track and somewhat normal.  I started to go back to my classes, even though two were canceled this week thanks to snow.  I'm trying to get out more and get a few more hours at the rink...and by that I mean working sunday, monday, and wensday nights now.  It's only two and a half hours, but it's all going for my Disney trip in April,  I know it'scrappy pay, but I'm hoping to have $450 saved up by then, if not more.  I already have $200 saved, so that's a good start I guess.  Plus when my mom pays me back for the foodz I brought for after my dad's service, that should give me another $50.  so yay for saving monies!!!


Well, I think I'm gonna go.  The updates maybe more of an update from now on...at least until I get things back in some kind of order. 

It's been a couple of days since my dad has been gone.  It hasn't been easy and there's been a bit of crying.  I usually don't let my emotions out, but I want to be around friends who care.  Of course that registers as "drinking" with my friends.  So of course my mom thinks I've been drinking every night since my dad has passed on...
I'm sorry I need a way to relax, but right now, that's how I'm clearing my mind.  Having A drink a night, not even a full cup isn't bad.  Hell, I poured myself a cup last night and dumped it down the sink because I didn't drink it.
If she's soooo worried about me, she'd let me do things at my own pace, none of this "let's talk about Dad," or "What's your favorte memory of him."  I'm not ready to talk about any of that, and she isnt getting that.
I just don't know how to handle it...

Boys are confusing.
Men are confusing
The whole male gender is confusing...for the most part.
I can understand some of them.....
But then there are some others where it's a puzzle
Trying to find where the pieces match up
Or if I should cut corners to make it fit...
It's one of those thing I can't figure out...
But I'm being to stubborn to ask for help



*sigh* damn holidays....

That's all it's been for me as of late.  I can't do anything right, I disappoint my parents, my friends, who's left out there? 
I'm starting to feel like I don't fit in anywhere anymore except for the theater.  I know I'm welcomed there, hell, I've gotten invited to sooo many things this past year, but I haven't been going because I've been with my MR friends.  It sucks in a way because I feel like I can't combine the two groups.  The only middle group I have is at the SLC and I don't really see them anymore BECAUSE I feel like I need to put in a full 20 hour week load. 
As well as faxing a few tech resumes, I am also applying for a few seasonal jobs in my area.  I need the extra money so I can get out of this house and eventually get away from my mom. 
( mom rant )
I just really need out of this house, I don't care to where...but it's actually hurting my health.  I'm not even sure when my last good night's sleep was.  I've just been out of it...even my co-workers know it. 

*sigh*

I just want the holidays to be over and done with so I don't have to deal with her bitching...the worse part is, they haven't even started...

1776-2008

Up down
turn around
that's how my lifes been going



yay!!!!

seriously...

can anything else go fucking wrong?
Why must I sit here
day after day wasting away
hoping to hear form you
which I know won't happen
But I sit and wait
like a good little girl....